Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Drake has all the answers
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
