Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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