what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
