Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
