I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
