Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
