I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
