my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
