Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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