Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
