she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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