It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
