Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

I'm at derby!

(847): View more from Illinois

The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

are you so shy because you have an std?

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(205): View more from Alabama

why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?

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(720): View more from Colorado

just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life

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(703): View more from Virginia

I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.

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(214): View more from Texas

new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.

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(916): View more from California

day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..

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