We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
