I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
