so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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