Nicole vs. Life
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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