How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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