it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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