i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
