everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
