the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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