Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
