Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
