What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize