My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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