I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
