Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
