Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
