the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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