i just wanna soil my oats bro
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
