Your mouth is God's brothel.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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