Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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