Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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