my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
