I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
