I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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