arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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