We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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