i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
