Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
