my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize