I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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