In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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