you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
