I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
