Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
