its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
