I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize