I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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