We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
