i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
