Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
