They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
