and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
