we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize