I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
