Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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