The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
