Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
