Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
